Tuesday, November 25, 2014

I'm not sorry you hate me.

It has been a while since I have written on this blog, but I have thought and pondered about this subject for a really long time and I feel like this is the best way to help me get through this. I have always been found of writing and I have always enjoyed writing my blog to express my feelings, I just have kind of let it go to the wayside.

I am going to use another post to update accordingly, but this is post I would like to share my thoughts on bullying. 

It's a horrible thing. 

I was recently in a situation that I felt like I was a victim of being bullied. First, I am not writing this to make people feel sorry or to say "oh pity me"... but rather I am writing this to get the feelings and thoughts off my chest to all of those who think that putting other's down will make you grow stronger or perhaps more liked by others... who knows what it makes you feel... but whatever it is.. it's not right.

Let me now describe a little bit of what was going on... I am going to try to leave out as many personal details as possible to help protect this person's privacy.

I have encountered this person many, many times. This person was very destructive to me. She has a way of trying to make me feel guilty for being happy. (Really? WHY?!) If I was happy or excited about something, she was the first to say something negative about her life or situation that would in turn need a "oh, I'm sorry" reply. She always has a way of telling me those things and at the same time trying to make me feel guilty for having a loving husband or having a supportive family. One time she even tried to make me feel guilty about how upset I was when Emmie was in the hospital... as if I wasn't a strong parent because I got emotional over my daughter having to be in the hospital. (WHAT?!)

Many times this person would be very negative about women that seemed to be very beautiful, especially if they were thin or if they had pretty hair. She would say that "she hated" them... because they had pretty hair or if they were thin. (REALLY?!) She would also consistently belittle people she knew and always took it upon herself to tell me every detail of someone's past mistakes that I'm sure they'd wish everyone would forget. (This is a huge pet peeve of mine by the way. I could care less about about some mistake someone made 7 years ago.. I care more about how they are going to treat me and my family today!)

So here is my response to people that are prone to doing this... because I know that those words don't just come out of this particular lady's mouth.

In the words of Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "STOP IT!"

In a world where there are so many things for women to feel inferior with already we don't need anymore unkindness coming out of the mouth of our fellow peers. Why would we need to bring other down to become happy ourselves? Why can't we all be happy and learn from each other instead of destroy each other for having success, beauty, or have found happiness. It just really doesn't make sense to me. Because:
NEWSFLASH: Everyone is fighting their own battle!

It truly is destructive.. and the way this particular person "bullied" me in a way of causing guilt for my happiness or telling me numerous times how I "used to be" pretty. (Is that a compliment or insult? Who knows.) I have spent countless days and nights thinking about her and how upset she made me and the emotions that she caused to run through my head. "I have a loving husband, but others don't...maybe I shouldn't be happy." or "I've been given a truly miraculous gift of a beautiful baby girl and I'm trying my hardest to be the best mom I can be, but maybe I'm not strong enough because I chose to have children within the bonds of marriage and my children will grow up with a loving mother and father.... but other children aren't given this gift.... so maybe I should feel bad about this." or "When I decide to fix my hair and make-up for the day I may look really put together and nice, but I don't wear make-up everyday because my husband tells me that he prefers when I don't wear make-up, I should feel guilty because that's not really who I am... I never wear make-up, so when I do, that's not really me..I'm the kind of girl that has let herself go after I got married."

Isn't this awful? I suffer from anxiety and when I think about things in the past that have caused me pain, most commonly emotional pain, all of the emotions come back to be like a ton of bricks. I find myself getting lost in the negative thoughts and feelings that other's have caused me.. if it was 3 days ago or even 3 years ago. It's hard for me to let hurtful things leave my mind... that's what I'm trying to say.

So when someone bullies another into negative, guilty feelings they aren't just causing immediate pain but rather pain that can last hours, days, or even years.

Please consider this when you have the urge to bring up negative things about a person. Please consider just treating the person as a friend rather than a competition. We all have our own battles. We all have our own trials. NONE of us are perfect. All of us are unique and all of us have our own mistakes that hopefully we have overcome and are working towards becoming who we want to be.

I, personally, have made numerous mistakes and have felt self-conscious countless times. I'm self-conscious about the amount of weight I gained while I was pregnant. I'm self-conscious about my hair, I'm constantly nervous trying to be a good mom.  But when I have a good day, when I have finally lost all the weight that I've gain since I've gotten married and then pregnant, I surely don't need someone biting at the bullet to tell me that they "hate me" for being thin or having nice hair. When I've had a rough day with my daughter and future children, I surely don't need someone telling me that they "hate me" for having well behaved kids in public. If you choose to not like me for trying to be a good wife, trying to be a good mom, or having a family that I love so dear then so be it, but know that I have made wrong decisions in the past and I am sure I will make bad decisions in the future, but also know that I am just trying to be my best self and I am not going to let you make me feel guilty about it. I am not going to let YOU put a cap on MY happiness. I just am not. I am not sorry that you hate me for trying to be who I want to be.

What we as women need is a support system. We need our peers to be supportive and encouraging; not destructive and jealous.

Here's to being friendly to all that we meet. Here's to the end of women bullying each other... most importantly, here's to the end of letting other's cause us pain from their hurtful comments.

Be happy. Live happy. Try to make someone happy, not upset.